Book-A-Minute
Anyone who hasn't visited Book-A-Minute should. It offers ultra-condensed, ultra-funny book summaries. Go read a few. I've read all of them, and decided to add some of my own (for the books they haven't already done, or the ones which I thought they've done poorly):
Brideshead Revisited:
(Charles Ryder wakes up in his room cold and lonely because he lives in ENGLAND and is in the ARMY.)
Hooper: Right-O.
Old Charles: I’m old. Hey, I remember that old place!
(He has a 200 page FLASHBACK)
Young Charles: I’m young and looking for love. Hi Sebastian!
(Sebastian vomits all over Charles’ ROOM)
Anthony: Charm!
(They all go to MARCHMAIN HOUSE.)
Charles: Ought we to get drunk every night?
Sebastian: Yes, we should.
(They DO)
(Everyone gets DEPRESSED, Sebastian runs away to the MIDDLE EAST, Lady Marchmain runs away to DEATH, Julia and Charles run into EACH OTHER, Cordelia runs away into MIDDLE AGE, Bridey runs away into OBSCURITY, Lord Marchmain runs away but since he already ran away he can only run back HOME and DIE).
Charles: I want to be CATHOLIC and not be DEPRESSED.
The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe:
Lucy: Lampost!
Edmund: Turkish Delight!
(He eats MORE then LIES about it because he doesn’t want to SHARE)
Queen: I’ll rule for a thousand years!!!
(Lion ROARS, Queen DIES)
Susan: I don’t have a single memorable line! Why am I here?
Peter: Hey that Lampost sure looks famil---oh great, we’re back in ENGLAND.
(They ARE)
Plato’s Republic: “Society GOOD, Nature BAD – Hey Look! It’s the GOOD!”
Rousseau’s Emile: “Society BAD, Nature GOOD – Hey Look! I’m the GOOD!”
The Fellowship of the Ring:
Bilbo Baggins: I’m outta here.
Gandalf: You must go to Rivendale, Frodo!
(Frodo DOES)
Elrond: You must go to Mordor, Frodo!
(Frodo TRIES)
Aragorn: I’m a multilayered person.
(He slays a dozen ORCS)
Legolas: My race believes in peace.
(He slays a dozen ORCS)
Gimli: I’d rather be drinking.
(He slays a dozen ORCS)
(Gandalf DIES but oh wait no he doesn’t because Gandalfs BOUNCE)
Borimir: Can I have the ring?
Frodo: No.
Borimir: Even for a little while?
Frodo: No.
(Borimir DIES because he asked TWICE. Frodo steals a BOAT and goes to MORDOR because he’s not a TEAM player)
Brideshead Revisited:
(Charles Ryder wakes up in his room cold and lonely because he lives in ENGLAND and is in the ARMY.)
Hooper: Right-O.
Old Charles: I’m old. Hey, I remember that old place!
(He has a 200 page FLASHBACK)
Young Charles: I’m young and looking for love. Hi Sebastian!
(Sebastian vomits all over Charles’ ROOM)
Anthony: Charm!
(They all go to MARCHMAIN HOUSE.)
Charles: Ought we to get drunk every night?
Sebastian: Yes, we should.
(They DO)
(Everyone gets DEPRESSED, Sebastian runs away to the MIDDLE EAST, Lady Marchmain runs away to DEATH, Julia and Charles run into EACH OTHER, Cordelia runs away into MIDDLE AGE, Bridey runs away into OBSCURITY, Lord Marchmain runs away but since he already ran away he can only run back HOME and DIE).
Charles: I want to be CATHOLIC and not be DEPRESSED.
The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe:
Lucy: Lampost!
Edmund: Turkish Delight!
(He eats MORE then LIES about it because he doesn’t want to SHARE)
Queen: I’ll rule for a thousand years!!!
(Lion ROARS, Queen DIES)
Susan: I don’t have a single memorable line! Why am I here?
Peter: Hey that Lampost sure looks famil---oh great, we’re back in ENGLAND.
(They ARE)
Plato’s Republic: “Society GOOD, Nature BAD – Hey Look! It’s the GOOD!”
Rousseau’s Emile: “Society BAD, Nature GOOD – Hey Look! I’m the GOOD!”
The Fellowship of the Ring:
Bilbo Baggins: I’m outta here.
Gandalf: You must go to Rivendale, Frodo!
(Frodo DOES)
Elrond: You must go to Mordor, Frodo!
(Frodo TRIES)
Aragorn: I’m a multilayered person.
(He slays a dozen ORCS)
Legolas: My race believes in peace.
(He slays a dozen ORCS)
Gimli: I’d rather be drinking.
(He slays a dozen ORCS)
(Gandalf DIES but oh wait no he doesn’t because Gandalfs BOUNCE)
Borimir: Can I have the ring?
Frodo: No.
Borimir: Even for a little while?
Frodo: No.
(Borimir DIES because he asked TWICE. Frodo steals a BOAT and goes to MORDOR because he’s not a TEAM player)
posted by Thomas Peters at 12:55 AM
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