Photo Caption Call - 09/08/09

(I've bumped this post farther up so more folks can enter a caption!)

{Shrine of the Sacred Heart in Barcelona, Spain}

Even if you don't have a caption, you can rate your favorite captions (submitted by others) in the comment box.

View the last Photo Caption Call here. Submit new photos for AmP photo caption call to my email!

[Photo: Unicorns Are Magical]

Duh: PP President Cecile Richards in cozy with Obama

Barack and Cecile sitting in a tree, P-L-O-T-T-I-N-G. Seriously!

Barack and Cecile, you see, are buddies - they are, like, total BFFs (that means Best Friends Forever, if you're over 30).

Barack Obama is the President of the United States, and Cecile Richards is the president of Planned Parenthood, the largest abortion provider in the United States. So they have a lot in common. They're both really important. Barack likes Cecile so much he puts his arm around her, which he doesn't do for many people. Cecile likes Barack and gets to wear his cute baby-doll rhinestone "Obama" t-shirts.

Barack invites Cecile over to the White House a lot. Like, more than once. They pretty much get to hang out and stuff all the time. It's kind of sick how much fun they get to have.

Cecile even gets to twitter little things like this afterwards:

"Just left the White House meeting on women's health care - they appreciate all the might(y) pp [planned parenthood] supporters speaking up for reform in the states!"

Cecile and Barack are cool like that. He really appreciates her. She said so. They both really want health care reform. They're really smart. I'm pretty sure Cecile is on Barack's Fave Five.

Cecile gets to heart Obama on Facebook, telling all her friends important stuff like this:

"Women need affordable health care that covers OUR needs ... Geez, we represent more than half the population here!"

Yeah Cecile, like duh.

Some folks totally make stuff up about them, like, that Cecile and Barack are such good friends because they do business together. Like how Planned Parenthood and all their supporters gave lots of cash to Obama and campaigned for him and stuff, and how he's all, like, giving them lots of money to Planned Parenthood whenever he can now that he won and gets to be a President, too.

But, I mean, can't friends help each other out?

Oh, and most the people who say that kind of stuff are just crazy pro-lifers who are jealous they aren't Barack's friends. Well - *news flash*, people - Barack can pick his own friends, and he decided to pick Cecile. So deal. Maybe if you tried changing and were cooler you could be his friend, too. So hey, try working on that. Okay bye.

(Oh those photos at the top? Yeeaah ... I didn't take them. Nevada Advocates for Planned Parenthood did. My bad!)

Video: Colbert on WristStrong for the Pope

Video via Comedy Central, commentary via US Catholic:

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Pope Wrist Watch
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Mark Sanford

Oh, Stephen.

Friday offbeat video: Liturgical Dance Wedding

I guess traditions are different in Minnesota.

Offbeat: Why Catholics need to eat fish on Friday - because they are trying to eat us.

For generations, fish knew their rightful place in God's creation because faithful Catholics observed the tradition of eating them en masse every Friday.

Sure, the idea was to offer up the pleasures of eating meat as a penance one day out of the week, but frankly, those faithful Catholics still ate mammals six days out of the week. 

So really, there could be no doubt in those tasty farmyard minds about who was the boss. I mean, have you ever witnessed a cow or pig try to attack someone? Of course not! Except maybe that one time (on a Friday - surprise, surprise).

Anyway, fast-forward to 40 or so years after Vatican II, and it's clear that fish have forgotten our deal. The new generation of fishes, in fact, are now systematically, actively "testing the waters" to see if the time is ripe to have their turn at the top of the food chain.

Luckily, so far their attempts have been unsuccessful. 

This week a 24-foot basking shark washed ashore on Long Island beach. Now of course naysayers will point out that the basking shark is harmless, has no teeth, and feeds primarily on plankton. Well, it also has a mouth big enough to swallow your little sister in one gulp. I'm just saying, I wouldn't let a basking shark into my little sister's swimming pool.

Unfortunate navigation error, or calculated reconnaissance mission?

Earlier this week, on the opposite coast, dozens of Jumbo Humbolt Squid washed up minutes after a 4.0 earthquake hit off the coast of La Jolla, California. 

... sure people, earthquakes, like God never uses those to get a message across!

Before Vatican II, this squid would never have been allowed to grow bigger than sushi-roll size.

The local reporter in the case above was only too eager to leave the story high and dry:

"For now there are more questions than answers; did the earthquake cause the squid to wash up or was it simply a coincidence?"

Sure, give in to the dictatorship of relativism. Don't quit your Friday Lamb Kabob habit. Keep smugly visiting Sea World to watch dozens of eligible dinners wiggle around behind the Plexiglas unharmed and carefree.

Not surprisingly, the most disturbing case of underwater-based aggression to date has occurred in Europe, which is especially guilty of ignoring the admonition of the Church to eat fish on Fridays:

"Police divers have ended the reign of terror of a huge fish that was attacking swimmers in a Swiss lake.

The zander, which was 70 centimetres (two feet three inches) long and weighed eight kilos (17.5 pounds), was harpooned on Sunday after it bit six swimmers over the weekend, fish warden Fabio Croci told local media."

In other words, after biting six swimmers (presumably one each day), the fish rested from its nibbling on the seventh day, and was finally killed on that Sunday. Apparently even Zander fish have standards. So just what does that say about us? If the Zander fish had been eaten on Friday ... some Swiss kid would have kept on to his pinky finger on Saturday.

My recommendation: bring an oven along with you on the boat. It just saves time.

In fairness, I was relieved to find out, upon reading the story of the Zander fish's reign-of-terror more closely, that its delectable remains were "served up to tourists at the lake." As the saying goes, an eaten fish is a happy fish.

After hearing about these examples of modern icthyan aggression, I think it should be very clear to all informed readers why we, as a community and a Church, need to make the serious effort of continuing the venerable tradition of consuming our scaly arch-enemies with reckless abandon every Friday. 

After all, it's supposed to sound like "Fry-Day" for a reason.

If this fish were still alive, it would be asking you to eat it.

Monday Catholic Joke

Forwarded by a friend, made me smile on a Monday:

A guy goes into the confessional box. He notices on one side a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars. Then the priest comes in.

"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting these days."

The priest replies "Get out. You're on my side."

Video: Stephen Colbert defends Christ's Divinity

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Bart Ehrman
colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor NASA Name Contest

Ph/t: AmP reader Carina.

Video: Catholic Colbert

He would pick a Jesuit....

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Turning to Religion - Jim Martin

Colbert Report Full Episodes
Funny Political News

Christian Bale Parody
Joke of the Day

From Catholic Colbert:

"Looks like Jesuit Fr. Jim Martin has been upgraded from "friend of the show" to "chaplain." Fr. Martin’s background in the financial world made him a perfect choice to explain why people seem to be flocking back to church in tough economic times ("and not just because communion counts as a meal"). It was an excellent segment and reminded me why I watch The Report "religiously".

Video: Colbert asks Yahweh or No Way?

Colbert's latest religion-related segment:

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Yahweh or No Way - Roland Burris

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

Friday Humor

The Onion Sports takes a crack at a Papist Photo Caption Call. :-)

Vatican forgives Lennon. Who's next, I wonder?

Someone at L'OR must have had space to fill:

The Vatican's newspaper [L'OR] has finally forgiven John Lennon for declaring that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, calling the remark a "boast" by a young man grappling with sudden fame. (Reuters)

During the papacy of John Paul II, the Church went through an "apology stage." If this is the beginning of a "forgiveness stage" in the Church, I have some suggestions for who the Vatican should forgive next:

1. Vatican "experts" who claimed Pope Benedict XVI would be a vindictive, blood-thirsty traditionalist tyrant, single-handely ushering in a new dark ages
2. The so-called "new athiests" who have blamed the Catholic church for everything evil that has happened in the world since the Incarnation, except for natural disasters
3. The pop singer Madonna, for the past 25-or-so years (this one will be tough)

There, that should keep L'OR busy.

A little Friday Onion

Read The Onion, and get reduced to tears of laughter:

"I'm Not One Of Those 'Love Thy Neighbor' Christians"

Video: SNL on Joe Biden

SNL decided to spoof vice president elect Joe Biden:



I wonder what Joe Biden's comments on Meet the Press would receive on the "blunder scale"?

Photo: The Onion does it again

I know, it's macabre, but I feel that's in keeping with the day....

"Fleet Of Stem-Cell Container Trucks Ready To Go If Obama Elected"

[Source: The Onion]

Friday Joke: Sarah Palin and the Pope

I think this was originally Al Hurley, but I got it from Lisa Schiffren:

So, Sarah Palin's advisors decide that it is time for her to meet a bunch of serious world leaders. They head to Europe, where, first up, she has an appointment with the Pope. The Pope and some of his Cardinals invite her for a boat ride on the Tiber.

As they are sitting in the gondola talking, a wind starts up and blows the Pope's hat into the water. Palin looks around and realizes that no one is going to do anything about it, so she calmy rises, takes off her her high heels, and steps off the side of the boat.

Instead of diving into the water, however, she walks across it, to the hat, picks it up and walks back across the water to the boat. She climbs in, hands the Pope his hat and continues discussing whatever it was they had been talking about.

The Cardinals are open mouthed in astonishment at what they have just seen. The news media, in nearby boats are busy discussing among themselves how to report it.

Headlines the next day at the New York Times, The Washington Post and the networks all blare: "New Revelation: Sarah Palin Can't Swim."

"Give me $5 and I'll argue any position you want!"

William Donohue proves the point by penning a tongue-in-cheek reply to Nick Cafardi's article, "I'm Catholic, Staunchly Anti-Abortion, and Support Obama." (More on the Cafardi story here.)

Donohue's satirical response: "I'm Catholic, Staunchly Anti-Racist, and Support David Duke."

(I think I've officially reached the point in this election cycle where I feel like I'm taking crazy pills, reading through some of these arguments people are coming up with to justify their positions.)

Video: Catholic Colbert

Economic crisis? Book of Job.

Video: Colbert interviews Peter J. Gomes

Video: SNL on Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton

Warning: *Some Adult Language* (it is SNL...)

Morning Chuckle: Grace at a PTA meeting

(Maybe for the first time ever.)

A delightful read.

Video: Colbert interviews an Athiest

Especially funny (warning: adult humor)...

Video: The Mystery Song

I love Hugh Laurie, not just for his recent mega-success with the popular TV show House, M.D. (I'm addicted), but also for his many years logged as the lovable Bertie of Jeeves & Wooster. What you might not know, however, is that he's a very versatile musician and comedian in his own right. This song unites both his fine qualities in an explosively-funny mix. Enjoy!